i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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