Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
