I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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