The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
