And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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