If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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