i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
