I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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