is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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