A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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