maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
