Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
