Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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