Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
