Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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