i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
