Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
