I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
