About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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