bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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