we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
