Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
