Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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