Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I smell like Dick and happiness
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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