btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
