I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
