if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
