Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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