and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
