Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
