Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
