in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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