i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
