If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
