You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
