haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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