i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
