a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she told me i tasted like america
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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