i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
