I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
