I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
