I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
