At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
