Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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