Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
