Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
