I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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