At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
