Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
