Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize